Complaining is a poison. It effects the mood of the individual complaining and the people listening. I have always thought I was strong enough not to be effected by such negativity, but it is apparent that I am not. I have allowed the unhappiness of others to bring me down. I have also fell victim to the addictive nature of complaining. Was it the constant complaining that made me so unhappy or was it my surroundings that caused me to complain. The chicken and egg dispute. At this point it doesn't matter any more which came first. Something had to give.
The main concern I have with people who complain is that they rarely try to change the things they are complaining about. If you want your situation to change, change it; if it's out of your control, change your attitude about it. What I realized was that I could change what I was unhappy about. I was so unhappy about my job. I kept telling myself "It's a mean's to an end" but honestly, it was tearing me down to my breaking point. The situation was only going to change if I had the courage to do something about it.
Being in GA for an extra day, made me concerned about losing my job. I had this horrible sense of anxiety that this would happen, and then I felt this overwhelming sense of relief. I was relieved that I would be forced to go get a new one, a decision I wasn't capable of making on my own. This made me realize that I needed to leave. Like many things in life, I had to have faith that there was something better for me out there and the only way to receive it was to take a risk. The most wonderful things in life are only gained through taking BIG risks. How else would God know if we really deserve them?
Big risks are not easy to take. They are scary, confusing, sometimes complicated... bottom line they are risky. I couldn't have done this or many things I have done without my Georgia family. I was so happy to see my best friends Crystal and Deanna. I can not explain the gratitude I have for both of you in my life. That is exactly what I needed to recharge. It's amazing how a hug or conversation with your true friends can really help remind you who you are.
I didn't get to see everyone I wanted and I am truly sorry for that. Please understand that sometimes when you are at rock bottom, the last people you want to see are the ones who admire you. I didn't want people to know I've failed to do the things I set out to do. I'm a work in progress right now and will see everyone when I get my head on straight and feel more like myself.
Through the past few weeks I have learned a lot. It's been such an emotional roller coaster. I need to pay more attention to the constant reminder on my left wrist to have faith. I was also reminded of the power of putting yourself out there. I've been holding on to so many things, so many emotions. I can not control anyone but myself. The only thing I can do, is take the risk, say what's on my mind, and see what happens. If nothing, then I can finally let it go and at least know I tried.
I miss y'all more than you will ever know!!
Hugs & Kisses
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