Anticipation

I can not believe in 12 hrs I will be on a plane that is going to drop me off in Costa Rica for a month! Honestly, I don't think the reality of it all has sank in. I'm doing this?! I'm really doing this?! And yet, I feel like it is exactly what I should be doing. Ha Ha

In the car, to the airport, a thousand thoughts were rolling through my head. All the normal worries about finances, family, etc... It hit me that at this moment I am unemployed. I've never been without a job. I started working at 15 and haven't stopped. This is crazy. My brain was going over all the things I should be worried about and yet I had this sense of peace. I should be worried about what I'm going to do for work when I get back, affording to move back to GA, paying my bills... and some how I feel that everything is going to work out. Guess that's how I know I'm am exactly where I need to be.

When I booked the flight to Miami, I gave my self an extra day here before I left for Costa Rica. Last night, I was wondering why I did so. Having my grandparents around and visiting family members has become very comfortable for me, even though I didn't realize it until I was laying in this hotel bed all alone. I don't even have my pets with me. While I was in MI, I occasionally felt overwhelmed. I lived alone away from family for so long, that it was quite different to have them there. I sometimes felt that I just needed a break. Just a moment of alone time. Funny, how when you get exactly what you think you want, you realize that its not at all what you need. I love the time I spent with them. This has really opened my eyes to how lucky I was to have that opportunity to reconnect. I could barely read the letter my older sister wrote me. I am so blessed!!

Today, I spent time to my self. Reflecting on what is about to happen and what has. I completed my first teacher training assignment. I had to complete it using the book The Heart of Yoga. This book is perfect for me. I have practiced so many different Yoga styles and this is the first time I feel that I, as a Christian, can really connect with one. The Guatemala trip, the Argentina trip, all didn't work out because this is the exact place, exact style that I need to practice, that I eventually need to teach. I love how life just works when you are willing to lift your feet and let the river of life take you wherever it wants to go.

The next time y'all hear from me I'll be in Costa Rica, starting this amazing journey. Oh my goodness!!

Hugs & Kisses

Bittersweet

Wow! What a whirlwind my life has been these past months. I can not believe my time here in Michigan is about to come to an end. I have experienced such highs and lows being forced to do nothing but grow. I've been holding on to the person I was. I feel like a a snake in the midst of shedding its skin, becoming. . . Someone else.

Lately, I've felt so lost and confused.  I think I've finally realized that those are the most appropriate feelings to have. I've been so consumed by thoughts of what has happened and will happen.. How could I have been so naive, when I first started this adventure, to think it was going to be different. I told myself it was going to be a challenge, but I don't think my head ever told my heart, because it was never prepared to experience the emotions I have had. Isn't it funny how you can mentally try to prepare yourself for something some obstacle and you can tell yourself over and over again that you are strong enough to handle anything that comes your way only to be humbled when your heart actually has to experience them. Preparing and planning only allows you to take that first step. Not to devalue that instant because it is one full of courage and strength, but DAMN, what happens next is where the road really gets rough. 

Now I understand why people dislike change. It is NEVER easy to grow, however, it is the most agonizing, amazing, bittersweet challenge someone can ever experience. To put yourself out there and see what you are made of. To force you to see if your dreams are really worth fighting for. I still believe that they are and my trip to Costa Rica will tell the truth. All I know, at this moment, is that I've been humbled. 

I feel awful for secluding myself from so many people but that's exactly what I needed to do. I needed to submerge myself into where I am at at this very moment to evaluate everything Ive learned. How appropriate that the end of this adventure will be focused on Yoga which is entirely about letting go and living in the moment. This one of the many thing I've learned. I've learned that no matter how much you try to plan your life, God always has a different idea. It might not feel right at the moment, but if your faith is strong, it'll work out exactly as it should. I've learned that families are never perfect, all you can do is accept how imperfectly perfect they are. That no one can take away the belief you have in yourself, so hold on to that no matter how hard others try to take that away and oh they will! People will try to conform you to who they want you to be so make it a point to discover who you are, always leaving room for improvement but never compromising your beliefs. I've learned that everyone needs times of solitude, a place to escape, a place to call home. I've learned how important it is to never stop dreaming, never stop growing, never stop seeking adventures because those are the times we become every thing we are meant to be. I've learned that people come and go from your life quickly and the importance of figuring out why they were there The final thing I've learned is that no matter how lost you feel, your friends, family, the people who truly love you will always find you. 

Hugs & Kisses