I know I've said this so many times, but I apologize for the lack of blogs. I can think of so many reason's why, but bottom line is that I haven't been focused lately. My mind has been preoccupied with... well, with life. I've been working hard to prepare myself for my upcoming teacher training in Costa Rica, and yet it still doesn't seem real. I can't believe in a month, I'll be gone. Not only is it the perplexity of this trip, but the mystery of what's to come after causing me to freak out.
This time in Michigan has lasted longer then anticipated, but I, without a doubt, know it's exactly where I needed to be these past eight months. I've learned so much about myself, my past, and who I want to become. As much as I love Georgia, I needed to step away. I needed to get out of my comfort zone. I was stuck in the routine of working at a bar and drinking with my friends. It's a place I wanted to be stuck. I was overindulging in everything and not focusing on my future, and I was happy doing so. Being here has allowed me to get away from that scene. Yes, I still work at a bar, but I defiantly haven't been drinking as much as I used to. Believe it or not, I've actually turned into a light weight. Ha Ha
Michigan has also allowed me to build these amazing unbreakable bonds with my family. Just yesterday, I spent the morning with my little sister Melissa, her children, and my grandparents. When I would visit the little ones, they didn't know me that well and were very shy. Now we have fun and laugh, nothing in this world will warm your heart more than the sound of a child laughing. I believe now that they love and trust me.Yesterday, when my nephew was scared of a moving toy truck he actually ran to me. He ran to me crying, wrapped his arms around me and I didn't want to let go. I pray that I can hold on to these precious moments forever. I'm so fortunate to have gotten to know Melissa on a deeper level also. She is stronger than she give herself credit for. She is me, years ago, before I realized that I had the power to change my life. I can see her coming into her own and hope that she continues this uphill climb while looking in the mirror everyday reminding herself that she is someone special.
After visiting with them I went to see my older sister, Heather. Being the big sister, she's always protected us, even when we didn't realize it. Her being a mother figure to us hindered our chance to become friends. She has really opened up to me. We've shared so many stories with each other, both good and bad. I'm so fortunate to call her a sister and it took this trip to realize she is more than that, she's also a great friend. I'm so proud of the woman she's become and am excited to see what the next few years will unveil to her.
Next, I went to see my sister Angie and niece Marley. After everything Ang has been through lately, she still has the aura of peacefulness that I admire. She has more patience than I will ever possess. I love sitting with her over a cup of coffee talking about anything and everything. Our views and opinions are so in sync it's scarey. BTW she went to the doctor and got a clean bill of health. It's like the brain surgery never happened. You gotta appreciate those guardian angels. Oh and Marley, she is a five year old after my own heart. We had a Yoga session. Ha Ha That's right, my niece performed downward dog, cobra, boat, and many other poses. I can not wait til she gets older and runs away from home showing up at Aunt Nikki's doorstep. Ha Ha
Lately, I've been thinking about having to say goodbye to everyone again and the thought breaks my heart. Literally, give me a pain in my chest making me cry uncontrollably. I'm so torn by this. However, at the end of the day, I know it have to leave, I know I have to move on, I know I have to grow. Heather showed me a quote yesterday that reminded her of me.
"Sometimes things fall apart, so other things can fall into place."
So here I am, waiting. Waiting to go on this trip, that I know will put everything I've worked for into perspective. I'm not worried about the trip, but I will admit that I am concerned about what happens next. Correction; concerned is the wrong word, I'm more intrigued. Everything will be real. I will be stepping off the plane into the next chapter of my life and it scares the shit out of me. I'm not sure if it's so much the future that scares me or the thought of letting go of the past. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Am I ready to grow up? Do I have what it takes to be everything I'm destined to be? I sure hope so because this month is going to fly by like a freight train.
Hugs & Kisses
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