So here I am. The day before the big move back to GA. I've been waiting for this day for so long and yet, cant believe that it is actually here. I have conflicting emotions. Part of me is so ready to go back to my "normal" life. To go back to what I'm used to. To go back to who I was. But that's just it... who I was is not who I am now. I know it might be hard to believe, but I've changed immensely in the past 10 month. How could I not?
I came back to Michigan, to deal with some things from my past. To get these skeletons out of my closet that have done nothing but bind me. Bottom line, I needed to let go. This is why I didn't go on my great RV adventure. I wasn't finished here. Not only confronting these skeletons but actually having to figure out what they really were was obtained by being here. By being present and also looking at memories of my past. I found them here but let them go when I went to Costa Rica. I gained this by not giving into my fears. By being strong enough to know that the only way I could feel complete was to do let go, to surrender. What do you need to let go of?
My family and I are not perfect. I also came here to play doctor. I mend these wounds in my family that have been hurting for so long. After trying over and over again I realized that this was not my battle. Do you have any idea how hard that is to admit? How difficult it is to say that I can not control or fix something. I've realized that it wouldn't be right. Who am I to take that away from someone else. I've had my share of disagreements in relationships. No one else could fix them but the people in them. Do you have any idea how great it feels to either let go of someone who is toxic or to rekindle a bond with someone you truly love. Who am I to decide how anyone else should react. Who are any of us to judge any one's relationship at all. The only people who knows what best are the ones in it. All I can do is pray that what is best will work itself out. All I can do is pray for peace.
I can not explain to you how much my trip to Costa Rica has molded me. Has allowed me to blossom into the beautiful person that I am right now. I can say that with a confidence that I've never known before. I can say that without guilt because for the first time in my life, I actually think it's true. I fell in love with myself and it's about damn time. I don't mean this in an arrogant, snotty, full of myself kind of way. I mean this as a person who has put in the footwork. One whose life hasn't always been easy one. One who has numerously been knocked down and yet strong enough to dust myself off and get back up. One who has been challenged over and over. One who for the first time, can truly appreciate those challenges because every one of them has made me who I am. When are you going to fall in love with yourself. Because that is the only way you can love another. I always wondered why I could never love fully. I now know it's because I didn't love myself.
I couldn't have done this without the amazing women I met in Costa Rica. It's divine intervention that we were brought together. We all landed at Anamaya with baggage. With tribulations that we had to overcome. Together, as one, we allowed each other to grow. From day one, there was this underlying connection. We couldn't explain it, but didn't need to. It was nothing short of miraculous. 25 women came together without judgement, without jealousy, without envy. We all wanted the same for each other. We all wanted the best for each other because we truly love each other. True love, true compassion, true understanding. Do you know how rare that is? If you have this kind of love in your life, don't ever let it go. Simply sit back and appreciate it, embrace it. Love one another, love yourself. Be kind to one another, be kind to yourself. Forgive one another, forgive yourself. This is the only way one can ever feel whole. The only way you can ever feel complete is to realize that we are all one. That understanding is truly divine, truly beautiful.
Hugs & Kisses
