Hope

One of my best friends, Ashley, was in Grand Rapids, MI for a trade show the other day. So after work I drove to see her. I was so so so excited and couldn't wait to get there, knowing that the two hour drive to work the next morning was gonna be rough, but so worth it. On my way, of course, I blew out a tire. I know this doesn't sound like that much of a catastrophe, however, my car doesn't have a spare. It has an air pump, which I tried to use for about 20 minutes before I realized how large the hole was. This occurred in Ionia, which can only be described as the middle of nowhere. This occurred on Saturday at 8 pm, which means, all the tire and rent a car places were closed. :( I contacted AAA but they informed me that they weren't sure what they could do, besides tow me to the closest Walmart and wait til they opened in the morning. So there I was, sitting in my car on the side of the expressway, in the dark, waiting. I was beginning to lose hope and so did my grandparents, since they had already started driving to pick me up. They were so sweet for doing that, but luckily the tow truck guy took me to a small town tire company, who opened their doors to fix my tire for me. Thankfully, I was on my way two and a half hours later.

While in the car, I began to think about "Hope". It's heartbreaking how easy it is give up on something we desire so badly. Call it my stubborn personality, but over and over again, i refuse to give in to despair. As I always do, I was wearing my ring with the word "Faith" on it. In the car, I kept looking at it, determined to see my friend, trying not to think that it might not happen. After being away from Ashley for so long, I needed her presence. I missed her friendship. I have few friends like this but value them dearly. She has a way of making me feel like I can completely be myself, unguarded. She accepts me for all my flaws and has even forgiven me for them. We feed off of each others similar beliefs and I think are like to kindred spirits. We can talk about anything and that night we did. We talked about work, my life, her life, my sister, our faith, the difficulties of staying positive when others are not... Then finally we ended it by talking about our love lives. 

This is not like other women. Many times, women only focus on their partners and all the drama that comes with relationships. For instance, while at work the next day this young 19 year old girl, was having problems with her boyfriend. She let it consume her. Now like many of you, I thought "oh it's just young love, she doesn't know any better, and they probably won't last anyway." How dare I lose hope for her relationship, when she was so willing to hold on. 

Next I overheard some man at a table with his buddies say "I know, tell me about it. My wife is crazy." Ha ha It made me realize how love, or the pursuit of it, is the most heart consuming, mind boggling, all empowering act we face every day. It's everywhere: conversations, songs, poems, jokes, magazines, papers  behind a smile or a tear, everywhere, everyday. How do we expect to experience the pleasure or pain of love while giving up hope?

Love doesn't make the world go around, hope does! Have hope in everything you do. So many people convince themselves that something can go wrong instead of reminding themselves how rewarding it can be when things go right. Have faith that everything will work out, exactly how it is supposed to. Now, I'm not saying that to reap the benefits hard work is not in order. I actually perceive the opposite to be true. I think anything worth having in your life is difficult to come by, but that's only to test where your heart really is. All I'm saying is that people need to hold on to hope and never let go. So just stop, I'm serious, STOP worrying about what others may think, that the timing is wrong, that it's not going to work out... but what if it does? Think about that, focus on the positive, so that at the end of the day, you can at least say you tried. 

I was not always so optimistic. I would excessively worry about what could go wrong.  Then I realized how unhealthy of a lifestyle that was. It wasn't until I slowed down, stopped obsessing about what I wasn't doing or didn't have and saw what I was doing and everything I was already blessed with. I took the time to appreciate beauty, everyday. I took long walks, to clear my head, and to just observe the awe of nature. Whenever, I feel negative, rundown or just "off" it's probably because I haven't taken the time to appreciate the simple things life has to offer. 

Today, I took Cody for a long walk. It was beautiful outside, the leaves are starting to change, and I was listening to great music. I even saw a Huron catching a fish. I noticed that the cottontails were cut down to groom the path for the fall. Made me think that this is what people should do with their lives. Cut down the dreary, negative thoughts to make room for positive new ones. I love love love nature! This works for me and I understand everyone is different so just find what works for you.

Hugs and Kisses

Judging Others is Nothing but a Defense Mechenism

I don't like to admit this, but I used to judge people as soon as I saw them. Actually, let me admit that I still have a tendency to judge people at first glance. Ha Ha Sorry, but it is a habit I picked up bartending. I mean, come on, some of the things we see deserve to be ridiculed and mocked. Everything from the slutty drunk girl who's clearly a prostitute to the LAME frat guy, who thinks he's so cool with his popped collar. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE bartending for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the very very very disturbing. I love meeting people and thinking "Wow! WTF! I don't want to ever act like that person!" or "Awe, they were so nice. I hope I can be more like them." My point is that, over the years, I've tried to be less judgemental, and lets be honest, less hypocritical.

Being in Michigan has opened my eyes to how close minded some people are (me included). Luckily, I have my family, who might not always agree with my decisions, but none the less, accept me for who I am. However, the people I meet do not understand my choice of lifestyle. I'm automatically dubbed a "hippie" when I say I'm a vegetarian. I think this is because I'm in a state where the majorities pastime is hunting, fishing, eating... Oh and a Yoga instructor... the normal response is "I don't agree with cults" or "I don't like to exercise" or "Does that mean you don't believe in God?" Even though I pray before every meal. I might as well live in a tree and stop shaving. OK, I have to admit, that sounds AWESOME! Ha Ha My favorite though, is " You're 28? Why aren't you married with children!?" Making me sound like I'm some kind of "Old Maid"

I love love love Yoga for so many reasons. I love the way it makes your body feel. As cliche' as this sounds, it centers me. I used to be this neurotic  mess, and through Yoga, I'm more able to calm myself when times get tough. I don't sweat the small stuff as much as I used to.  There are so many benefits physically and mentally to practicing Yoga and every single pose has so much more to it than just improving your body image. For instance, the Tree Pose: Vrksasana is impossible to do unless you adjust your eyes on a focal point in front of you. This allows your body to balance and improves concentration, which allows people to get out of their own heads, away from the thoughts that swim around and around. After a class, not matter how intense or restorative I feel... like myself, my true self. So lame, I know, but it's true. I feel like I have just let everything go, because I have. Everyone should have a little Yoga in their life. Don't judge it, don't be scared of it, don't think it's not for you UNTIL you actually try it. Don't judge from first glance because you never know what you will fall in love with, unless you give it a try.

Oh and by the way, I'm not married with children by choice. I don't disagree with marriage or children and I hope one day I have both. I'm just willing to wait. I'm strong, stubborn, and independent enough to know exactly what I want from a partner. I refuse to settle and I am fully aware that that might mean that "my chance with love might pass me by" but I'm willing to take that risk for hope. For hope, that one day I will have no regrets. That I will know I gave this life and love my all. That I waited when so many people were so scared to. I might be wrong, but hey, at least I tried.

Miss you all so so so much!
Hugs & Kisses

Hugs & Kisses

Compassion is Powerful

Sorry it has been so long since I've posted anything. The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me and my family. Right now, I'm in a hospital chair while my sister, Angie, is trying to sleep next to me. After a week of headaches and thinking she had a pulled neck muscle, she went to the clinic and was quickly rushed to the hospital. Long story short, she had something similar to an aneurysm causing her to have blood clots in her brain. After two days of the painful tests and doctors trying to decide the best path to take, she had brain surgery where they removed the clots through the back of her skull. We were all so scared for her life but luckily, strong girl that she is, pulled through . Religious preferences aside, you have to admit that her guardian angels were looking over her. She's blessed that it was discovered before it ruptured more severely, These are usually discovered when it is too late. She is in the clear, and now being monitored, waiting to be released home. 

As puzzling as this may sound, so many marvelous things have happened due to this misfortune: family members that have been disconnected were brought closer, new friendships were formed, priorities were reevaluated, confessions were made, forgiveness was given, love was expressed, but most of all, Angie's strength, faith, and character was put to the test and she passed with flying colors. This is probably the first time I've ever felt a sense of family. We were all very vulnerable causing emotions to be expressed that have be suppressed for quite a while. Things were said: some good, some bad, but effective none the less. 

This is why I'm here. I can't imagine being in GA and getting the phone call that my little sister was in the hospital and it might be fatal. My goal in coming back to MI was to reconnect with my family, which is what I've been trying to do for the past month. As disturbing as this might sound, I have failed to do what this trial has done. Angie and I even had the opportunity to discuss things that we never really talked about before. It's nice to know we are similar in beliefs and values. We even discussed the positive effects tragedies can have on someones life. She has been through hell and yet she still sees everything that's happened to her as a blessing in disguise. Today she said "You can't appreciate the sweet, unless you've tasted the bitter." She has been through things that I could never imagine going through. Instead of looking at the tragic losses in her life she appreciates the lives they've lived and the legacies they've left behind.

Many people do not feel this way. They focus so much on the negativity that they are blinded and consumed by it. The forget that there is still beauty, hope, and wonder in this world. I know it is hard to stay positive when things are dismal but remember attitudes effect more than just one person. Everyone gets into dark places from time to time, but all it takes is the hope of one person. Staying depleted by negativity is no way to live. In fact, it's not living at all. It's not appreciating the fortunes that were given which is not fair to anyone who has suffered more, and believe me, there always is someone who has. 

Today, I was eating my lunch in the visitors room while my sister was napping, where a woman came in crying. She began to apologize for her behavior explaining what her son was going through. She asked about my sister but I could tell she really needed someone to talk to more than me. Sometimes, if nothing else, verbalizing your emotions is the only way to experience some relief. She cried about her son expressing how grim the outcome may be. I apologized for the pain but stayed positive for her, testifying how miracles really do happen. It's amazing what love can do. When I hugged this stranger goodbye I felt so much compassion for her and her family. 

Compassion.... what a simple yet effective emotion that I'm scared many members of society have forgotten about. So please, smile at a stranger, hug a friend, express love any way that you can, because honestly, why not? You never know the effect you can have on someone or the lives you could change by something so effortless.

Hugs & Kisses