You Think You've Had a Bad Night?

Don't you hate when you do the things you know better to do and yet do them anyway, only to see it blow up in your face. The ironic part is that I was driving around tonight after a long day of work, tough workout, and trip to the store at 1am trying to relax from my day only to realize that God has one hell of a sense of humor and will force you to get out of your head and take the time to look at the stars when you least expect it.

I used to drive a '99 GMC Jimmy and had nothing but problems with it. Saying I would never buy an old used vehicle again, I bought and actually saved money from maintenance on new cars. However, when I realized that my Mazda Miata wouldn't last a winter in MI weather, I bought an '03 Hyundai Santa Fe.  As most cautious people do, I had it checked out while on a test drive to make sure it was in adequate driving condition. Surprise, Surprise, nothing but problems.

After my day, I felt the perfect cure was a nice, soothing drive, on back roads to examine whats running through my brain. Flash to where I am now. Pulled over on the side of said back road waiting for AAA to save my ass, yet again. At least I've gotten my moneys worth from them. I was driving along, enjoying the hypnotic sensation I find in driving, singing songs out loud to get some aggression out and bam. WTF I have a flat tire. Ha Ha you have got to be kidding me. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I have a cornfield to my right and one random house to my left. Well, at least I have a spare this time.

At first, I was pissed. As I began to laugh out loud, I realized that the first thing I did was tilt my seat back and open up the sunroof, like I did last week while I was at state land property. Ha Ha The other night, I just needed to escape, drove to state land, listened to my favorite music, not feeling that relaxed in a long time. Guess I needed this again.

Thank you for the few random cars to stop, seeing if I was OK. I am but unfortunately, the only AAA partners who woke up to help me live in Flint and cant make it out here for an hour. And unfortunately, you, with your porn star mustache or lack of hygiene are to creepy to help a young lady who was stupid enough to leave the gym without putting a bra on. Ha Ha I did keep my door locked for everyone except for when I saw a flashing light, thinking it was my AAA guy, got out of the car. The man reached for me giving me a hug only to say he was from road commission just passing by. As he was leaving he told me to lock my door.

If it couldn't get any funnier, while I was driving I was thinking about what to write on my blog since my life has been so mundane lately. I was thinking about writing why people drink. Ha Ha seriously! This is why. People need some form of escape from reality. I, like a lot of people I know, am a control freak. I like being in charge of my life and wanna know/be prepared whatever coming next. However, this gets very exhausting causing you sometimes to go off the deep end. This is when you can forget all you inhibitions, reasoning, cautions. It allows you to not say whats really on your mind, yet sometimes do. Ha ha I really want a beer, actually make that a shot of Jameson.
 (I wrote that all while I was patiently in my car. This came after, I got home)
My grandparents showed up to sit with me. They now know I started smoking again due to all the cigarette butts on the road by my door. I told them that I was safe to be left alone when the flashing lights showed up. However, it wasn't AAA but the road commission man again, seeing a car behind mine, worried it was a predator, he was trying to save me. BTW this was as I was hanging up trying to find where AAA was, having them tell me their guy was gonna be delayed for another hour. Apparently, I give a good hug because the road commissioner changed my tire for me. While trying to give him money, he simply replied that he had two little girls and could only hope someone would stop to do the same for them.

Being kind enough to follow me home, he witnessed the thing no one would ever expect. That's right, as I was turning the corner to Bowers Road, where I live now, I hit a F**king deer. You cant make this shit up! He stopped, asked what happened and called the police. All I can think is did this really just happen?

Oh and BTW On Tuesday, I spent $400 to get new brakes and roaters for this car and switched my deductible to $2000 when I switched insurance for some reason, and yes, it is 4:30 AM. Sorry, I edit these before I post, but like I said, It's 4:30 and for some reason, I can't sleep. Awesome!! Ha Ha Ha

Hugs & Kisses

Be Cautious of Your Words

I know it's been a while since I last posted something. I started feeling a little uncomfortable about it,  wondering why I was doing it. I felt silly for posting my feeling and opinions so vulnerably for anyone to see. I fell spell to the idea of acceptance. As much as we don't like to admit it, we do things wanting the approval of others. I've always been the one to thinks she's different, but in this aspect I'm not. I want people to like me because I like me. I try hard to be a good person, to be positive person. I, like most people want to make a difference in this world, even if it's a small one. I wondered if the things I write have any effect at all.

I always have these thoughts floating around my head, that have a tendency to go around and around. The funny thing is that I would've never thought of starting a blog, until I was encouraged by friends, before I left GA. I felt quite awkward the first time I wrote my very strong opinions. However, once I started writing I fell in love with it. I fell in love with the ability to organize my words in a way I struggle to do verbally. It's a vulnerability I'm not used to, but the freedom of expressing my emotions is magnetic. Anyone who's ever had more than a five minute conversation with me, knows that I'm a very vehement person. I've dissected every aspect of life and feel passionate about everything I encounter. A passion for life that I can feel slipping away.

The other day, a friend mentioned that I haven't blogged in a while. Shocked by the fact that he actually reads them I told him I wasn't focusing on it as much  because I didn't think many people read them and mentioned how I was feeling about the blog. His reply was "I think you'd be surprised by how many people read it." Thank you. That was the encouragement I needed. It's amazing how something so simple can have an effect on someone. Do people realize that their words influence others, even when they don't try. 

Unfortunately, words are not always encouraging. The question I'd like to ponder today is "why do people act the way they do and say the things they say. Don't people realize that their words and actions effect other people, not only the instant but for life. Before you stand proud to disagree acting full of pride in the fact that you don't allow anyone to penetrate that tough exterior, think about it. No, I mean really think about it. Every relationship has molded you in some way. Exes, friends, parents, bosses... We have all been effected by the way others have made us feel, no matter how much we try not to. The way you are and have been treated has had a trickle effect on the way you treat others. If you were hurt before you've at some point guarded yourself in some way from being hurt again. You've "learned your lesson."

If this has happened to all of us, how come we are not more cautious about how we talk to people. Words can be like daggers. My grandma printed a comment she saw. (on Facebook, no less) 

"...She says this is really the only reason people are ever mean-- they have something hurting inside of them, a claw of unhappiness scratching at their hearts, and it hurts them so much that sometimes they have to push it right our of their mouths to scratch someone else, just to give themselves a rest, a moment of relief." Laura Moriarty

Hmmmmm. I don't think it could be summed up much better than that.

As much as your words hurt, they can also help. Let's be the ones that have a positive effect on a society that focuses so much on negativity. Let's be the ones that make people think about who they are and encourage them to be better. Let's be the ones that make a difference, even if it's a small one :)

So today, I went with my grandparents to see The Vow. I needed that. It was so encouraging. I've been so focused on the negative things in my life, the heart wrenching, uplifting story is exactly what I needed to get my head on straight. (See it! Go see this movie!!) I don't know what other people took from it, but it made me think about how a lot of people want a reset button on life. I've wondered about that also. I wonder how my life would be if I made different choices. We have these defying moments in our lives that can change the entire outcome. Without ruining the movie, it made me think that whatever is meant to happen will happen. We are defined by the choices we make, but that's just it.... choice, freewill, change. We have the ability to change anything we want to. ANYTHING! Remember, it's the choices we make that define us and effect others, take your time to make the right ones.  

Hugs & Kisses