Just getting here to Montezuma has been and adventure. I left Miami at 9am taking a 3hr flight to San Jose. The shuttle for Montezuma wasn't supposed to arrive til 2pm so with the 2hr time change, I sat outside on a rough bench for 4hrs. Some of my classmates arrived around 1, who in this short amount of time I can now call some of my greatest friends. We rode in the shuttle for 2hrs only stopping once. Let me just say, this was not one of your off the highway restrooms. It was defiantly a hovering situation, where you didn't want to touch anything. I had to choice but to trust these girls I just met since the door not only didn't lock, but barely closed. Ha ha We then had to hop on a 1 1/2 hr ferry. This was beautiful. The view, the pelicans flying, amazing. However, if you know me you know how I get when I haven't been fed in a few hrs, so I struggled to fight the urge to be a raging bitch. Ha Ha After the ferry we still had and hr and a half drive to Montezuma. It was dark, the roads didn't have lines so it feels like you are either going to crash into another car or flip off the road. And yet, I felt calm, at peace. We finally arrived at Anamaya looking horrific, sticky, sweaty, hungry, tired... and I couldn't have been happier.
At first, it didn't feel real, like I was in a dream. My brain had took a while to realize that this was really happening. That all the hard work, leaving GA, then leaving my family, the rough roads in MI, all really paid off. Dreams come true, but they are never given to you. You have to struggle, to fight, to prove that it is worth it to you. You have to make sacrifices, step out on a limb, and even jump over the edge. As I sit outside and look at this beautiful view, I have to remind myself that I'm really here. I'm actually here. I actually did it. This is exactly where I need to be. Everything from the past has brought me to this very moment in my life. Everything, every struggle, every heartbreak, every decision, every moment has brought me here.
I am learning so much, not only about how to teach Yoga, but also about myself. Our teacher says we can not hold space for someone us until we learn and let go of things that have happen to us. Let me tell you, this is not an easy task. To accept ourselves for who we are and who we've been. Ugh. It's been painful. I've had to dive into rough situations from my past, acknowledging that they happened and then finally allowing them not bind me anymore.
On the first day of this self awareness, many things came up. I felt the urge to get out of here. I had to walk so I went for a hike. (Grandma, you are going to hate this ha ha) I needed to clear my head, needed some alone time. I went through the jungle, behind the resort, down to the waterfall. (it's amazing it's only a 10 minute walk. I can't believe we have a waterfall in our backyard) The walk alone was everything I needed. Nature is my sanctuary. It makes me feel centered, grounded. I hiked away from the waterfall our group has been to and began to hop on rocks up the opposite falls. I loved this. It the most amazing experience. So symbolic to life. Being someone who struggles to get out of her head, it is the perfect test. You have to look ahead of you, but not too far, and figure out which rock you can hop on to get further ahead. You have to make decisions immediately. You can not decide what rocks you want to land on too far upstream because then you'll get ahead of yourself and lose your way trying to get there. Make a decision with what is presented before you and execute it, believe in it, take that step. The path that looks the easiest is not always the case. Sometimes, if you step toward the smooth waters you'll be confronted with no rocks to step on and have to turn around. That's the other great part about it, if you make a mistake you can always turn around, start over and try another way. As I was climbing, reaching a beautiful set of falls, I kept wondering what I would see if I kept going, so I did. I soon realized that every time I reached a climb and was mesmerized by the beauty of what was before me, that this wasn't it. There was always more to discover and the only way for me to see it was to keep going, keep climbing. I loved and appreciated every stage but never being complacent, knowing that there is so much to discover.
Keep climbing. Don't ever be content with where you are. Remember that the only way you will ever see new things is to fight for it, struggle. That way you'll be tested to see if it's really worth it, to know how bad you want it.
Hugs & Kisses
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