I know it's been a while since I last posted something. I started feeling a little uncomfortable about it, wondering why I was doing it. I felt silly for posting my feeling and opinions so vulnerably for anyone to see. I fell spell to the idea of acceptance. As much as we don't like to admit it, we do things wanting the approval of others. I've always been the one to thinks she's different, but in this aspect I'm not. I want people to like me because I like me. I try hard to be a good person, to be positive person. I, like most people want to make a difference in this world, even if it's a small one. I wondered if the things I write have any effect at all.
I always have these thoughts floating around my head, that have a tendency to go around and around. The funny thing is that I would've never thought of starting a blog, until I was encouraged by friends, before I left GA. I felt quite awkward the first time I wrote my very strong opinions. However, once I started writing I fell in love with it. I fell in love with the ability to organize my words in a way I struggle to do verbally. It's a vulnerability I'm not used to, but the freedom of expressing my emotions is magnetic. Anyone who's ever had more than a five minute conversation with me, knows that I'm a very vehement person. I've dissected every aspect of life and feel passionate about everything I encounter. A passion for life that I can feel slipping away.
The other day, a friend mentioned that I haven't blogged in a while. Shocked by the fact that he actually reads them I told him I wasn't focusing on it as much because I didn't think many people read them and mentioned how I was feeling about the blog. His reply was "I think you'd be surprised by how many people read it." Thank you. That was the encouragement I needed. It's amazing how something so simple can have an effect on someone. Do people realize that their words influence others, even when they don't try.
Unfortunately, words are not always encouraging. The question I'd like to ponder today is "why do people act the way they do and say the things they say. Don't people realize that their words and actions effect other people, not only the instant but for life. Before you stand proud to disagree acting full of pride in the fact that you don't allow anyone to penetrate that tough exterior, think about it. No, I mean really think about it. Every relationship has molded you in some way. Exes, friends, parents, bosses... We have all been effected by the way others have made us feel, no matter how much we try not to. The way you are and have been treated has had a trickle effect on the way you treat others. If you were hurt before you've at some point guarded yourself in some way from being hurt again. You've "learned your lesson."
If this has happened to all of us, how come we are not more cautious about how we talk to people. Words can be like daggers. My grandma printed a comment she saw. (on Facebook, no less)
"...She says this is really the only reason people are ever mean-- they have something hurting inside of them, a claw of unhappiness scratching at their hearts, and it hurts them so much that sometimes they have to push it right our of their mouths to scratch someone else, just to give themselves a rest, a moment of relief." Laura Moriarty
Hmmmmm. I don't think it could be summed up much better than that.
As much as your words hurt, they can also help. Let's be the ones that have a positive effect on a society that focuses so much on negativity. Let's be the ones that make people think about who they are and encourage them to be better. Let's be the ones that make a difference, even if it's a small one :)
So today, I went with my grandparents to see The Vow. I needed that. It was so encouraging. I've been so focused on the negative things in my life, the heart wrenching, uplifting story is exactly what I needed to get my head on straight. (See it! Go see this movie!!) I don't know what other people took from it, but it made me think about how a lot of people want a reset button on life. I've wondered about that also. I wonder how my life would be if I made different choices. We have these defying moments in our lives that can change the entire outcome. Without ruining the movie, it made me think that whatever is meant to happen will happen. We are defined by the choices we make, but that's just it.... choice, freewill, change. We have the ability to change anything we want to. ANYTHING! Remember, it's the choices we make that define us and effect others, take your time to make the right ones.
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